Chill in the Air
Saturday, September 29, 2018
front door open.
air is thinner now.
dry.
crisp and cool.
it's almost time to start our fire again.
as Hanz goes through the woodpile.
fishing out who knows what poor creature about to get tortured.
or just to strip and gnaw on the poor planks.
Dahlia is on clean up crew as well.
cold morning puppy fits are more frequent now.
and puppy pouting and nods towards the leash are beyond bossy maneuvers to make us feel guilty.
Josh is walking around much better and his injuries healed.
it's been almost two weeks since he returned and we have been enjoying each moment of it.
I'm meeting with a few ladies at the farmers market today to see about a Saturday morning job.
I'm excited to step out of my comfy zone and venture towards this market.
See how it feels.
I really do enjoy going to the market once I get over my initial stupid anxiety of "talking to people."
I do it almost every day.
But when I'm on my own, sometimes that old anxiety creeps up.
So I'm tackling that this morning.
on my own.
and hopefully I'll bring a little bounty back with me.
Cheers to fall.
apple pies (which was amazing btw)
pumpkin bread (made that yesterday but it wasn't photo worthy).
soups and stews.
sweaters and tights and cozy nights.
pumpkin + spice
red chili
ohhh and house slipper searching!
~~~
Natural Balance
Saturday, September 22, 2018
fall equinox.
when the day is both equal in light and dark, day and night.
a time to reflect on balance in life.
after cleansing my space and tuning into my goals I worked with an Autumn Equinox Balance Spread from Worts & Cunning Apothecary.
Inhale: The World
I will focus on what makes me feel complete.
I am complete.
I have everything I need.
I am happy.
Exhale: The Lovers
Take my love that I have received and share it.
Do not hoard just for my own pleasures.
A gift of love in many forms.
Descent: Daughter of Pentacles
I will look toward nature as my guide.
Listen to the trees and the plants.
Be present in their bounty and ancestral guidance.
Guide: Ten of Cups
Embrace the power of attraction through positivity.
Use positive light as tool to achieve my goals.
An open mind and a joyful heart to receive knowledge and love.
Harvest Store: Daughter of Cups
I am a dreamer and follow my creative nature at heart.
But I have learned to protect my heart and dreams - I still am working on protecting.
Keeping my aura strong and spiritual cleansing daily.
Harvest Gifts: Three of Cups
Nurture my friends I hold dear.
Share my energy and keep my friends strong.
Balancing Out: Death
Extinguishing guilt over lost love.
Continuing the process of healing through self-care and sharing my strength with those whom I love.
Balancing In: Father of Wands
Strengthen my bond with nature.
Practice rituals of tuning in with the trees, plants, cycles.
~~~
Grow Wild Flower Child
Saturday, September 15, 2018
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| the first bloom from the seeds I planted a couple of months ago. |
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| this is what makes my soul smile |
growing
that's me
I didn't intend to post anything today
my eyes are tired
my throat dry
both pups at my feet in bed
almost midnight
almost time to when you return
48 hours and counting down...
after mingling in memories of old blogs
both mine and those I followed
I want to document this time
the good and the bad
I'm still healing
I still cry a lot
I LOVE my bf
my boyfriend and best friend
I have never missed someone so much
seriously
as cheesy as it sounds
I have been a little lost without him
anxiety has followed me around more frequently in his absence
I found out my ex is moving out of our old cottage to move into a new chapter of his life
our "Cupcake Cottage"
where my original blogging began
so a lot of old memories have resurfaced
old wounds opened
photo after photo
memory after memory
feelings just rushing through me
so much has happened to my little life in just a couple of years
it's no wonder i'm such a whirlwind of emotion
I got in shape and lost 60 lbs
I lost my first pup, Noah
I left my marriage
I met my best friend
I fell in love all over again
I spent nights alone screaming into the floor, fists beating the earth
I left my Real Estate Career for pursuits that meant more and joined a pack of warewolves at EPIC
I began to open my heart more and welcomed my husky, Hanz
I put my trust in a man 12 years younger than me
we share the same birthday
we went on many adventures
Gertie took us to Colorado
to New Mexico
and eventually
we moved to Seaside, Oregon in March 2017
we lived four blocks from the beach
we smoked weed
we worked with weed at dispenseries - Tsunami and FZT
I met some wonderful people that I hope to keep in touch with
Pilot House Distillery at the Sunday Farmer's Market was such a blessing
Christina Cary you will never know how much that job helped me
we explored
we grew our family and brought a new friend into our lives, Dahlia the demon hound mix
we collected sea shells
we dreamed a lot
the coast took us in with open arms and then cast us away to new adventures
our roots brought us closer to family
via New Mexico
we live in an 1820s adobe casita 30 mins north of Santa Fe
300 sq ft
no hvac
no w/d
I work at a chocolate shop as a barista
Josh has been healing since December from an injury
there is so much more we have yet to do
so much more growth
I look at other lives
and I smile at mine
because through all the tears
I am so happy
I am happy that I faced my fears
I took a chance on a man that would make me stronger
who would push me out of my comfort zone
and create this new life for us
us
as we grow
I'm grateful to share this with my future self
a token to look back upon and watch how we grow
I'm so in love with our little family
the four of us
Josh, Bonnie, Hanz + Dahlia
oh the adventures we see
~~~
snapshots on a rainy night
Sunday, September 9, 2018
 |
| color wheel laundry ed. |
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| blood orange margarita with black lava salt - compliments Mark and Jen at Paloma in Santa Fe. |
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| Bathroom vibes at Paloma |
 |
| Tea therapy and cozy socks to help get over my cold. |
 |
| These two fluff nuggets. |
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| yard shots. |
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| Santa Fe street life. |
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| afternoon light delight. |
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| thinking of you. |
 |
| yard shots. |
 |
| mood. |
 |
| yesssssss. |
 |
| every cap should have a welcome note. |
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| the turn off to home. |
 |
| colder mornings. |
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| Josh makes the most beautiful meals. |
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| Love. Love. LOOOOOVE my two monsters. |
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| Taos hat and dread locks. |
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| I miss you. |
Sunday night.
rainy night.
lofi tunes.
vino.
baked brie and fig on sourdough.
puppy wars.
dream catcher weaving.
thinking of you.
always.
the days go by slower when you aren't around.
each moment.
aching to hold you again...
one week and a day....
~~~
Black + Pink Iridesence
Wednesday, September 5, 2018
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| Because even if out of focus, the light is still beautiful. |
It was a rough start after you left.
Hot tears against my cheeks as I turned the opposite direction from you.
A part of my soul detached.
A dark cloud not welcomed hovered near.
Sleep was restless.
Dogs restless.
Cleaning helped but still there were tears.
I always enjoyed my alone time.
But this time was different.
My heart hurt in a twisted twist of overly dramatic girly movie proportions.
Today I found peace.
I took those way too melodramatic emotions and harnessed them into my power.
40 minutes of chanting OM Hareem and checking in with each of the 108 mala beads.
I felt a surge of electricity as thunder rolled nearby and winds started to dance with the trees.
I felt alive in old ways.
Ancient.
Black raven wings.
Glistening in pink iridescence.
Enveloping my body and strengthening my spirit.
Yes.
I miss you so much.
I adore you without reason.
I love you with more than my heart will ever allow.
But today I loved myself too.
Thank you self.
Thank you.
I love you.
~~~
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