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| the first bloom from the seeds I planted a couple of months ago. |
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| this is what makes my soul smile |
growing
that's me
I didn't intend to post anything today
my eyes are tired
my throat dry
both pups at my feet in bed
almost midnight
almost time to when you return
48 hours and counting down...
after mingling in memories of old blogs
both mine and those I followed
I want to document this time
the good and the bad
I'm still healing
I still cry a lot
I LOVE my bf
my boyfriend and best friend
I have never missed someone so much
seriously
as cheesy as it sounds
I have been a little lost without him
anxiety has followed me around more frequently in his absence
I found out my ex is moving out of our old cottage to move into a new chapter of his life
our "Cupcake Cottage"
where my original blogging began
so a lot of old memories have resurfaced
old wounds opened
photo after photo
memory after memory
feelings just rushing through me
so much has happened to my little life in just a couple of years
it's no wonder i'm such a whirlwind of emotion
I got in shape and lost 60 lbs
I lost my first pup, Noah
I left my marriage
I met my best friend
I fell in love all over again
I spent nights alone screaming into the floor, fists beating the earth
I left my Real Estate Career for pursuits that meant more and joined a pack of warewolves at EPIC
I began to open my heart more and welcomed my husky, Hanz
I put my trust in a man 12 years younger than me
we share the same birthday
we went on many adventures
Gertie took us to Colorado
to New Mexico
and eventually
we moved to Seaside, Oregon in March 2017
we lived four blocks from the beach
we smoked weed
we worked with weed at dispenseries - Tsunami and FZT
I met some wonderful people that I hope to keep in touch with
Pilot House Distillery at the Sunday Farmer's Market was such a blessing
Christina Cary you will never know how much that job helped me
we explored
we grew our family and brought a new friend into our lives, Dahlia the demon hound mix
we collected sea shells
we dreamed a lot
the coast took us in with open arms and then cast us away to new adventures
our roots brought us closer to family
via New Mexico
we live in an 1820s adobe casita 30 mins north of Santa Fe
300 sq ft
no hvac
no w/d
I work at a chocolate shop as a barista
Josh has been healing since December from an injury
there is so much more we have yet to do
so much more growth
I look at other lives
and I smile at mine
because through all the tears
I am so happy
I am happy that I faced my fears
I took a chance on a man that would make me stronger
who would push me out of my comfort zone
and create this new life for us
us
as we grow
I'm grateful to share this with my future self
a token to look back upon and watch how we grow
I'm so in love with our little family
the four of us
Josh, Bonnie, Hanz + Dahlia
oh the adventures we see
~~~
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