Morning Light
Saturday, December 1, 2018
Reflecting 2018
morning light on December 1st, 2018
cold and crisp.
weather app shows 34 with 10% chance of snow.
Dahlia has serenaded us with her hound barking already.
it's 8:44AM.
he sets the fire up for me before he retires so all I have to do is light it in the morning.
i take the space heater into the bedroom as a thank you.
twinkle lights.
mushroom + collagen butter coffee.
dry hands.
looking back through old blogs.
each December.
i still feel sadness.
lost once again.
this has been a year to work.
to push through the hard parts.
it's still hard.
but all the hard parts will be worth it.
right?
i don't sleep in anymore.
if 8AM finds me in bed then the dogs must be tired and not hungry.
that never happens.
bits of Noah now rest in a special urn that I found from an artist in Seattle.
I set a polaroid of him nearby and greet him each morning during breakfast.
the most important meal of the day.
Hanz and Dahlia also agree.
I need to put the bird seed out.
it's so cold.
esp. when you walk out in your skivvies.
dreaming of the PNW.
we will move there soon.
***
Grounded: Stepping Stones to the Present + A Story
Saturday, November 10, 2018
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| Thick socks and new rug to keep our feet warm. |
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| Theme is staying warm right now. |
My feet now - November 2018
Thick, cotton socks.
Tufted kitchen rug.
Mexican blanket and warm husky fluff.
Gifted chair from my current Employment at Kakawa Chocolate House.
***
Stepping Stones
1. I was born January 3rd 1980 in Corpus Christi, TX.
2. Moved to San Antonio, TX in 1984.
3. Grew up on 3735 Briarhill just a street away from my grandparents
- Ralph & Bonnie Trexler (3746 Highcliff) -
and just a handful of houses down the street from my best friends, Sarah and Laura Monroe.
4. Featured in the San Antonio Express Newspaper in Fourth Grade for an event at Northwood Elementary School - I was captured on film dressed as a princess for a medieval feast lunch party.
5. Summers were filmed by my grandma on VHS - my cousin Scott would visit and we would line soda cans filled with pool water around the edge of the pool that were collected by my grandpa throughout the year.
6. I joined Show Choir my 8th Grade Year and started to come out of my "shell" a bit.
7. Graduated High School in 1998 - I was so ready to get away after living a "normal" life never really seeing much outside my bubble. I went to three schools before college at SWT -
Northwood Elementary
Garner Middle
MacArthur High
8. My first kiss was on the eve of my Birthday in 1999 by Matthew Wegner. We were playing pool at his house and he dipped me down and planted a quick kiss on my lips. I met Matt through my roomie, Shanna St Andre at SWT.
9. Made my first snowball on the side of the road in Colorado in May of 2002 on my first road trip out of state to take Melissa Brandley home.
10. Josh proposed to me at Yosemite National Park in May of 2002 around 6AM in front of Lower Yosemite Falls. I had barely slept because I was so worried about bears attacking our tent and it was sooo cold.
11. I got married on June 21st, 2003 to Joshua Adam Mieth. I met Josh through Shanna at her wedding in 2001 to Eric Sliva (Josh's good friend from high school in Brenham). We took our honeymoon to Northern California and stayed at Elk Cove Inn just south of Mendocino.
12. Josh and I bought our first home in the fall of 2003 in Spring, Texas (suburb of Houston).
- 9634 Crail Dr - our home also came with our first kitty - Miss Kitty.
13. Josh and I adopted our first puppy in the fall of 2005 - Noah. He was a Hurricane Katrina
Evacuee and Josh drove to Lafayette, LA to pick him up while I worked at StoreHouse Furniture.
14. We moved our little family of four to Austin, Texas in the winter of 2007 to a little 1950s cottage
- 1815 W 36th St, B -
15. I started working at Dogadillo and met Lisa Conrad and Joni Bumgarner in the spring of 2008.
16. I blew my ACL in the fall of 2010 which led me down a whole new path of wellness. From PT with Jason Alaimo to workouts with Joni at Lifetime to Pilates with Britny - I lost about 40 pounds and started to be aware of my lifestyle choices.
17. I received my Real Estate License in 2012 to work with Tammy Young and my first fun car, Gertie my MINI Cooper as a present for getting my License. We also adopted our second pup, Cole in the Summer of 2013 right before I found out I had skin cancer in my right arm.
18. Summer of 2015 Josh and I went to Costa Rica with our friends, Kara and Kevin, Jackie and Brian, Renee and Thomas, and Alex and her Ex along with a few others to stay at a beautiful resort home with a private path to the beach. It was a beautiful trip and also a turning point for me. My health had declined and since my initial wellness work I'd gained weight again and my skin was aggravated with eczema. So while everyone was out partying I worked on myself and started journaling and meditating.
19. I started seriously training with Josh Bumgarner in the summer of 2015 and watched as my health improved, my mind was more focused, and I felt as if I were coming out of a daze that I'd been walking through for the past years.
20. The Fall of 2015 on my last trip to Mendocino, CA with Josh Mieth I realized we were not meant to be together. After almost 13 years of marriage we were divorced on August 30th 2016.
21. I moved out of our adorable cottage in March of 2016 and began dating Joshua Donald Bumgarner in April of 2016.
22. I adopted Hanz the husky in August 2016 and he came to live with me in my little apartment on the East Side.
23. At the end of Feb/ beginning of March of 2017 Josh, Hanz and I moved to Seaside, Oregon.
We lived in a cottage four blocks from the beach on 822 13th Avenue.
We were both bud tenders and worked at dispensaries. I also worked at Pilot House Distilling Co on Sunday Farmer's Market days in Astoria. We also adopted Dahlia, our demon hound mix from Hood River Oregon in May of 2017 to complete our current family.
24. At the end of October 2017 after struggling to find a home to purchase, we decided to move back south via New Mexico and moved into our current rental at 20 Rocking Horse Ranch, Unit D. We've been acclimating to high altitudes and tougher way of life since. We continue our journey here...
***
There are other stepping stones I don't want to leave out.
Like Interior Design School with Susan Oren and Jocelyn Johnsen.
Nights spent in my garage/ studio with Jocelyn with Buffy in the background and T-Square mania.
Noah and Miss Kitty and the doggy door.
Walks each day through the neighborhood in Spring.
Rosemary near the school.
The sadness of when I knew it was over with J.M.
The happiness of being with J.B. and the expansion he has brought not only to my heart but to my mind.
Picking a polaroid camera.
Film cameras.
House Showings.
My love for space planning and vintage homes.
The desire to travel.
The art of relaxing.
Working with all types of people in different states.
Hikes with J.B. to Enchanted Rock and along Barton Creek Greenbelt.
Photography walks with Joni along South Congress.
The endless amount of restaurant choices with the Densons.
Wine tastings - CA, WA, OR, NC, TX
Walks with Noah and Cole around the hood and to their park along Shoal Creek.
Meditating with J.B.
J.B. bringing me a rock home from his travels to CA with his Dad and Asher.
So many moments that make up my life.
Stepping stones that have brought me to where I am today.
This moment.
November 10th 2018.
In cozy, thick cotton socks.
On my leather sofa with Dahlia dreaming next to my feet and Hanz curled up on a mexican blanket by the coffee table. Josh snuggled in our bed.
Black Mother of Pearl/ Crescent moon ring on my left hand.
Grandpa merino cardigan and teeki sunflower pants.
Peppermint Rose Chai tea from Taos.
Vintage Foxwares Ceramic mug.
Crisp yellow leaves falling outside while birds search for leftover feed from yesterday.
Old course that I'm taking again, that I'm typing about right now. That I started in 2011
- Unravelling by Susannah Conway -
I still have the flickr page.
My photos have changed though as has my story.
***
Once Upon A time...
There was a young girl with big dreams.
She grew up happy with normal teenage angst of boys and clothes.
She loved to swim at her grandparent's pool.
And create fantasy worlds where everyone played a part.
Including swamps in the house and mud pits in the yard.
Each time she went on a road trip to the country with her family she would look out the window and daydream.
She was running.
Always trying to catch something or someone.
To help.
To love.
She embraced the outdoors and continued her young learned tradition of hiking throughout her adult life.
She left her hometown and moved around Texas.
She met a boy who loved her and they got married, bought a house, raised their little family of four.
They moved to Austin and turned their family into five.
They went on lots of adventures.
Near and Far.
Local parks to Northern California to snowed in festivities in Arkansas.
But the woman she had become seemed lost.
Who was she?
An Interior Designer?
A Photographer?
A Real Estate Agent?
A wife?
A mother to fur babies?
She was all of these things.
But she yearned for something else.
Something she knew she was missing.
It was love.
Yes she was in love with her life but not with passion.
She loved her Noah dog.
She loved Miss Kitty.
She still loves her Cole dog.
She even still loves her EX.
But that is a different love that she could only realize once she took action.
On what she was missing.
The love she was missing was understanding.
It was yearning.
It was passion.
It was equality.
It was travel.
It was taking the leap that others are afraid of.
It was doing instead of always talking about doing.
She loves her boyfriend now.
So much.
A love so different from the past.
Soul mates.
Through the good and the bad.
To miss someone so much.
To love someone so much.
To hurt so much for this loved one.
This is what was missing.
The education that love will grow and change, but the heart still yearns for that companion.
The one that really sets her heart on fire.
He has been with her.
Held her heart, her head and soul.
He doesn't understand all of her pain.
But he is with her through it.
And wants the best for her.
For them.
Their puppies.
Hanz + Dahlia.
She will always have good and bad days.
Ups and downs.
Adventures and times to heal.
With tears in her eyes and sadness still lingering in her soul.
She now reaches out to where she is now.
Her feet in Northern New Mexico.
Where many ancestors feet have been.
She now takes this new love that feels so old.
As if it were around many years before.
This ancient love now assists her.
With learning a new way of living the old way.
Respecting the earth as when she was a child.
Asking her elders how to tend to it.
Tend not only to love of her life but to the love of her earth around her.
This is where her feet have taken her now.
Cozy socks with husky fur.
***
Fall + Bee Stings
Monday, October 29, 2018
A gust of cold air.
Drizzly mornings.
Snow on the mountains.
Firewood delivered.
Seas of yellow, gold and red.
And bee stings.
Nesting into the colder seasons has begun.
Mushroom chowder and toasted sourdough.
Sheepskin lined slippers.
Merino grandpa cardigans.
Mushroom coffee adorned with cinnamon.
Change.
Daylight savings is just around the corner.
Mornings are dark and cold.
Breaking to afternoon sunshine.
My heart is so fragile right now.
The need to explore so great.
Yet to get out seems like a dream.
Sadness looms in my eyes.
To experience life outside the casita.
To take his hand and walk.
Beyond the gate...
Please.
***
lo fi life
Sunday, October 7, 2018
frothed mushroom coffee and a sugar cookie coffee scone.
breeze blowing.
wind chimes singing.
leaves starting to fall.
a little yoga.
a little jazz.
windows and door open.
fall candle burning.
hopeful.
sad.
Chill in the Air
Saturday, September 29, 2018
front door open.
air is thinner now.
dry.
crisp and cool.
it's almost time to start our fire again.
as Hanz goes through the woodpile.
fishing out who knows what poor creature about to get tortured.
or just to strip and gnaw on the poor planks.
Dahlia is on clean up crew as well.
cold morning puppy fits are more frequent now.
and puppy pouting and nods towards the leash are beyond bossy maneuvers to make us feel guilty.
Josh is walking around much better and his injuries healed.
it's been almost two weeks since he returned and we have been enjoying each moment of it.
I'm meeting with a few ladies at the farmers market today to see about a Saturday morning job.
I'm excited to step out of my comfy zone and venture towards this market.
See how it feels.
I really do enjoy going to the market once I get over my initial stupid anxiety of "talking to people."
I do it almost every day.
But when I'm on my own, sometimes that old anxiety creeps up.
So I'm tackling that this morning.
on my own.
and hopefully I'll bring a little bounty back with me.
Cheers to fall.
apple pies (which was amazing btw)
pumpkin bread (made that yesterday but it wasn't photo worthy).
soups and stews.
sweaters and tights and cozy nights.
pumpkin + spice
red chili
ohhh and house slipper searching!
~~~
Natural Balance
Saturday, September 22, 2018
fall equinox.
when the day is both equal in light and dark, day and night.
a time to reflect on balance in life.
after cleansing my space and tuning into my goals I worked with an Autumn Equinox Balance Spread from Worts & Cunning Apothecary.
Inhale: The World
I will focus on what makes me feel complete.
I am complete.
I have everything I need.
I am happy.
Exhale: The Lovers
Take my love that I have received and share it.
Do not hoard just for my own pleasures.
A gift of love in many forms.
Descent: Daughter of Pentacles
I will look toward nature as my guide.
Listen to the trees and the plants.
Be present in their bounty and ancestral guidance.
Guide: Ten of Cups
Embrace the power of attraction through positivity.
Use positive light as tool to achieve my goals.
An open mind and a joyful heart to receive knowledge and love.
Harvest Store: Daughter of Cups
I am a dreamer and follow my creative nature at heart.
But I have learned to protect my heart and dreams - I still am working on protecting.
Keeping my aura strong and spiritual cleansing daily.
Harvest Gifts: Three of Cups
Nurture my friends I hold dear.
Share my energy and keep my friends strong.
Balancing Out: Death
Extinguishing guilt over lost love.
Continuing the process of healing through self-care and sharing my strength with those whom I love.
Balancing In: Father of Wands
Strengthen my bond with nature.
Practice rituals of tuning in with the trees, plants, cycles.
~~~
Grow Wild Flower Child
Saturday, September 15, 2018
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| the first bloom from the seeds I planted a couple of months ago. |
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| this is what makes my soul smile |
growing
that's me
I didn't intend to post anything today
my eyes are tired
my throat dry
both pups at my feet in bed
almost midnight
almost time to when you return
48 hours and counting down...
after mingling in memories of old blogs
both mine and those I followed
I want to document this time
the good and the bad
I'm still healing
I still cry a lot
I LOVE my bf
my boyfriend and best friend
I have never missed someone so much
seriously
as cheesy as it sounds
I have been a little lost without him
anxiety has followed me around more frequently in his absence
I found out my ex is moving out of our old cottage to move into a new chapter of his life
our "Cupcake Cottage"
where my original blogging began
so a lot of old memories have resurfaced
old wounds opened
photo after photo
memory after memory
feelings just rushing through me
so much has happened to my little life in just a couple of years
it's no wonder i'm such a whirlwind of emotion
I got in shape and lost 60 lbs
I lost my first pup, Noah
I left my marriage
I met my best friend
I fell in love all over again
I spent nights alone screaming into the floor, fists beating the earth
I left my Real Estate Career for pursuits that meant more and joined a pack of warewolves at EPIC
I began to open my heart more and welcomed my husky, Hanz
I put my trust in a man 12 years younger than me
we share the same birthday
we went on many adventures
Gertie took us to Colorado
to New Mexico
and eventually
we moved to Seaside, Oregon in March 2017
we lived four blocks from the beach
we smoked weed
we worked with weed at dispenseries - Tsunami and FZT
I met some wonderful people that I hope to keep in touch with
Pilot House Distillery at the Sunday Farmer's Market was such a blessing
Christina Cary you will never know how much that job helped me
we explored
we grew our family and brought a new friend into our lives, Dahlia the demon hound mix
we collected sea shells
we dreamed a lot
the coast took us in with open arms and then cast us away to new adventures
our roots brought us closer to family
via New Mexico
we live in an 1820s adobe casita 30 mins north of Santa Fe
300 sq ft
no hvac
no w/d
I work at a chocolate shop as a barista
Josh has been healing since December from an injury
there is so much more we have yet to do
so much more growth
I look at other lives
and I smile at mine
because through all the tears
I am so happy
I am happy that I faced my fears
I took a chance on a man that would make me stronger
who would push me out of my comfort zone
and create this new life for us
us
as we grow
I'm grateful to share this with my future self
a token to look back upon and watch how we grow
I'm so in love with our little family
the four of us
Josh, Bonnie, Hanz + Dahlia
oh the adventures we see
~~~
snapshots on a rainy night
Sunday, September 9, 2018
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| color wheel laundry ed. |
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| blood orange margarita with black lava salt - compliments Mark and Jen at Paloma in Santa Fe. |
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| Bathroom vibes at Paloma |
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| Tea therapy and cozy socks to help get over my cold. |
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| These two fluff nuggets. |
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| yard shots. |
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| Santa Fe street life. |
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| afternoon light delight. |
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| thinking of you. |
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| yard shots. |
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| mood. |
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| yesssssss. |
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| every cap should have a welcome note. |
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| the turn off to home. |
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| colder mornings. |
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| Josh makes the most beautiful meals. |
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| Love. Love. LOOOOOVE my two monsters. |
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| Taos hat and dread locks. |
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| I miss you. |
Sunday night.
rainy night.
lofi tunes.
vino.
baked brie and fig on sourdough.
puppy wars.
dream catcher weaving.
thinking of you.
always.
the days go by slower when you aren't around.
each moment.
aching to hold you again...
one week and a day....
~~~
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